That is what I yelled when half of a hardboiled egg slipped from my hands, leaving my dress all stained. A clean dress I put on that morning. And no, to be honest, that is not what I yelled. I cursed, very loudly. Let me not repeat what I said.

A few days later I drop a part of the boiled egg again. I am not kidding. Thankfully, it fell on the floor so I didn’t have to change my outfit again. This time I do yell WTFleur?!! I yell it to keep me motivated. Even though a part of it rolls under the radiator and I have to get down on my knees to remove it.
I also yell it if the printer isn’t responding, which meant I walked the stairs for nothing; if I am on the sofa, drop my lipbalm and it rolls underneath the sofa, just out of reach; if I take two q-tips from the box and the other 198 fall out, scattering the floor; and if I see a cat catch a bird. Thankfully, I am spared most of the cadavers. I try to walk the garden path once a week and usually my partner has cleared out the messy bits and pieces by then. But if the wifi goes haywire while I am in the middle of something, I yell WTFleur?!!
All of this is nonsense, as you understand. These are not matters of significance, but examples of the smaller things in life that everyone has to deal with from time to time. However, on some days I feel deflated by these small things that bother my. For instance on a day that I am not feeling well. Or on a day I see a neighbor go by on her bike three times and then gets into her car.

There are a lot of people like me, I realize. Others who are limited by M.E. and have trouble coping with it. Sometimes I imagine that someone – like me – bangs his or her elbow on the door and angrily kicks it afterwards to be left with a sore toe. Was that you? If so: think of me. Ik was the one who had to change her dress, because it was covered in white and yellow stuff. A clean dress that I put on backwards. WTFleur?!!

This article was a guest blog for M.E. Centraal a few weeks ago.

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