Recently a dear friend brought along a big bag filled with dried lavender from her garden. The gift reminded me of a period of bad sleep due to mulling and nightmares. At the same time I had a hyacinth with a lovely, sweet aroma. Feeling desperate for a good night sleep I took it with me upstairs. I was hoping that its perfume would guide me to a night without worries.
Before I got ill in a mysterious way I had lots of worries that are part of our human nature. I had deadlines to think about, places to be or articles to write, tasks to perform or guided tours to prepare. Those are the sort of healthy worries that keep you going, give you fulfillment and make you feel alive.
Being ill is not about targets like these. There is almost nothing to contemplate or prepare for and all the days may seem the same. The absence of these healthy worries that regularly occur made me forget to put things into perspective. Therefore from time to time I have an issue that seems to become bigger than these healthy worries ever used to be. I try not to think about it, but my mind keeps going over and over that one thing. Without that perspective, I keep mulling and it seems there is no way of getting that part of my mind to shut down.
I put the bag with lavender next to the sofa, so I could smell it all day. After dinner – I was home alone – something described as above was bugging me. It was constantly in my head, telling me it had pro’s and con’s. I sat beside the sofa on the floor with a blanket over my legs. As I was knitting a tiny, blue lavender bag my mind kept racing about that one issue.
Then a big, black, creepy crawly came walking over the blanket. It had eight long legs and if it wore wooden shoes you probably could hear it pounding on the floor, like the kids I used to babysit would say. I jumped to my feet within seconds, running for the door directed by my adrenaline. Then I got to my senses and caught the freaking intruder under an empty glass. That was as brave as I could get. My boyfriend would let it out into the garden the next day.
The spider was my talisman. The mulling part of my mind was shut down. He or she made me forget about that silly issue and perhaps even prevented a bad night sleep.
So to all of you out there, my dear readers, I wish you happy holidays and all the best for 2012. Let the New Year be filled with good spirits and not too much worries. Surely they will occur anyway, and if so: treat yourself to a bunch or a pot of flowers. As long as it smells great! In my case it will be anything but lavender, you never know what might be in there.
Giveaway: I knitted some tiny, blue lavender bags and will give two sets of two lavender bags away. One set to someone for the story written in English and one to someone on the Dutch part of this website. All you need to do is leave a comment before the end of this year. A winner will be drawn at random and sent an email in the New Year.
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