I am offering my beautiful magic wand for sale. But before you get all excited: please, remember my failed attempt getting the gnomes to help me in the garden. The thing is utterly useless.
The wand is made of plastic and silver coloured. It is about ten inches long with a lovely, purple star on top, and set with rhinestones. Perhaps you are interested in all things magical and supernatural, then this is just the thing for you. Purely because of its decorative quality, this magic wand will be an interesting addition to your collection.
If it did work its magic, I would not be selling in the first place. But I would have used it beneficiary to my own health, which I tried. I might have, accidentally, smacked my own head with it (and it is still in pristine order, I take this as sheer evidence of quality), but whatever I do with the magic wand I cannot ridden myself from that nasty bug called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.
If that was the case I would not be writing this advertisement. Instead, I would be packing my suitcase for a destiny other than this house, or this sofa on which I have been spending more than a decade by now. There would also be no more famine, and women would rule the world. If only…
So let’s start the bidding at ten euro’s. Ten euro’s? Anyone? Ten euro’s? Ah yes, for the lady behind the computer screen who just blinked her eyes. Twenty euro’s anyone? Twenty? You know what? I will throw in a knitted mushroom (including gnomes, no matter how lazy) if the magic wand sells for twenty euro’s, just for the fun of it.
After raising enough money, I will buy myself enough stardust to fill a tub. And I will jump straight in – head first. If you never hear from me again: it either worked, or… eeh… it didn’t.
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